The Dark Pit!

Though I often attempt to smile despite what difficulties I may be experiencing in my life—there are days when the darkness just doesn’t yield any light for me. I’m extremely impatient at times like this.  My fuse is short, my temper flares and I am literally “hell on heels!”  (Yes, I meant to say heels and not wheelsJ).

As believers, we like to pretend that depression isn’t a part of our vocabulary—in fact, most times mental health issues are swept under the rug.  The truth is we all struggle with something.  After the birth of our son Kevin, I was depressed for more than a year because I had never struggled with my weight before pregnancy.   It took me years to realize that because of those feelings of inadequacy, I overcompensated for everything and in every area of my life. My pace was frenetic and chaotic.  Until one day, the dam broke.  I have a vivid memory of a beautiful Sunday morning, we were leaving for church and my then, two year old daughter was walking to the car, I turned her around to take her picture and found that her dress was covered in orange juice.  I cried hysterically for at least an hour—broken dam!

It wasn’t the wet dress, or the fact that we were going to be late for church that had broken the dam for me.  I had been juggling these little balls of perfection for years—my church work, helping to care for my parents, keeping a clean house, perfectly coifed little children, trying to be a good wife and mother and attempting to launch a music career.  And that bright Sunday day, my juggling act came to a screeching halt!  My beautiful baby standing there without a care in the world, looked up at me and said, “Cup broke mommy.”  I cried even harder.  Somewhere in my mind, all of my failures had been culminated with one small issue—a broken cup.

I was broken.  I had been living in a pit of darkness, all the while groping for some semblance of light and had taught myself to pretend for everyone else that I was “walking in the light.”  I refused to allow the people around me to see that I felt fat, ugly, undesirable and at times, I even felt unworthy.  I was living in a dark pit.  If you’ve ever experienced a “dark pit” don’t try to rationalize it or hide it.  We must be willing to admit that we are struggling with this depression.  Our pride hinders our ability to be authentic. To have emotional health, we must have emotional integrity.

Part of the reason that I broke was because while I was trying so diligently to be “good enough” for everyone else, I wasn’t spending any time with God—who is more than enough.  I was tired mentally and emotionally exhausted and I had built a fortress of protection around myself in my darkness—trying desperately to conceal my depression.  The scripture says in Isaiah 50:29—“He gives power to the tired and worn out, and strength to the weak (NLT).

Don’t be afraid of the dark pit of depression, it’s a part of life.  Seek wise counsel to help you through it.  I believe in counseling—find a good Christian Counselor to help you navigate the darkness and find your way back into the light—Jesus is there, waiting for you. 

Our Prayer—

Father in Heaven, here I am—tired, broken and weak.  I’ve spent too much time with the busyness of life and trying to prove to others that I am worthy of their love and affections.  Forgive me for not finding my solace in You.  I admit my need for You!  I will stay here, in this darkness, and accept it as an opportunity to wait for You, to hear from You and to feel Your presence again.  Lord, teach me Your ways and strip me of everything that is not like You.  In Jesus’ Name…Amen.

Love & War

I’m ready to admit it, I like Tamar Braxton!  I watch the show; listened to the new single...I’m sorry, Lord, forgive your child (LOL). 

Seriously, listening to her song Love and War did get me to thinking.  I didn’t have a huge spiritual epiphany but the song title, coupled with a conversation that I’d had earlier did prompt this thought—we generally only fight the hardest, longest or the most about whom or with those we love the deepest.  I’m telling you, NO ONE can make me as angry as my husband. But by the same token, he also holds the record for making the happiest (don’t tell my daddy). 

When I think about my relationship with God over the years, it’s been a bit of a “Love and War” situation.  I know that God loves me with an unmerited, undeserved love.  I’ve done nothing to warrant His love for me and yet I receive it.  Scripture tells us in Romans 5:8—“But God shows His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” In fact, there are times when I know that He should just throw me away but, His grace invites me right back into His loving arms.  It’s kind of like a mother and her child.  As parents, we give our children advice, guidance, warnings, spankings, punishments but at the end of all of that—there is always love.  Because we want what is best for our children, we are constantly cajoling them to do what is right.  I submit, as a mom of teenagers, that the teen years are absolutely the “Love and War” years but, I digress (I do that a lot).

I have been married for nearly 17 years, and it hasn’t always been easy.  In fact, there were days when I just wanted to throw the towel in the ring and end the fight altogether.  It wasn’t worth it…the arguing, the cursing, the screaming, and the “cold wars.”  Oh yes, beloved, I have said some ungodly things in the heat of an argument!  Many days I would have liked to pack up my babies and hightail it out of there.  But it wasn’t God’s will for my life. 

In relationships, there will almost certainly always be a push and pull—a test of the will, if I may, where compromise is inevitable.  That is the nature of human relationship.  And so it is with our relationship with Christ.  Our human minds find it difficult to believe that God can love us despite our ways.  Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”  And we tend to view ourselves in light of that wickedness and not in the light of God’s love--thus the “push and pull” of love and war.  God isn’t at war with us; however, it is our sin nature that we war against.  I contend that until we submit fully to God’s love and His will for our lives, we will be like children who are determined to have their way—often lost, confused without purpose or a plan and headed for certain destruction; fighting a war we have no chance of winning.  Today, why not hoist up the white flag and surrender to God’s plan for your life.  With every breath that we breathe, Jesus is keenly aware of every fleshly desire, every hurting place, every burden and every wound.  He’s not avoiding us, He’s waiting…why not surrender.

Let’s Pray:

Father, I confess that I am often at war with my flesh because of what it desires.  At times, I am consumed by the darkness of my humanness and self-centeredness.  Help me to find you in the aftermath of this self-inflicted war.  And Father in Heaven, I thank you for loving me enough to wait patiently for me to find my way back to You.

In Your Son’s name,

Amen. 

So, we're well into January and this is my first blog of the year! I'm so excited about what lies ahead this year. Last year was HARD! And I'm positive more challenges lie ahead. However, I'm less worried about the challenges and more concerned with how I handle them. This is the year that I learn to lend less energy to pettiness and more to the important things in life, the ministry, my husband, my family, my loved ones, my parents...ME!

I am going to attempt to get healthy this year, live a cleaner, healthier life, strengthen my walk with God and build! Don't forget, I'll be sharing with you my health and beauty finds, fashion finds and ways to save money in every way I can! Trust me, great research is going into this, I promise!

Stay tuned, next week I'm going to be talking about the vitamin pack given to me by make-up artist, Tierra Burrell and I'm researching a skin care line as well for acne prone adults like me!

My challenge for you this week: Find one person in your life who could use your encouragement and find a small way to build them up...give them a card, buy them a small gift that would be meaningful to them, take them to lunch, just so something for that special someone!

Until next week, love yourself, love your family and don't be afraid to be you!

This is going to be fun...I think!

Hey Bloggers!

So, I'm starting on a new journey and I hope you'll join me.  On January 1st I'll be 39 years old. Whew!  I know to those older than me, you're saying that's so young and to those of you younger me, calling me..old!  LOL!!! I feel "in-between"! ;-)

Well, for me, 39 will be my new beginning.  I'm actually looking forward to turning 40 so, I want to spend the next year chronicling my journey. I have asked some friends, my make-up artist--Tierra Burrell, my personal trainer--Kimble Griffin, and my personal stylist--Bridgett Battles to join me as well, to share with us their best secrets on weight loss, healthy living, make-up, fashion and how to be glamorous on a budget and for some of my younger followers I'm hoping another stylist friend of mine Keri Crutchfield will join the party! (Yes, Lady Crutchfield, I just put you on the spot...)

Weekly, we'll talk about my weight loss, fashion tips, and health and beauty tips.  I'll also be telling you where I find the best bargains here in Atlanta on shoes (the love of my life) and accessories and other "frugalista" finds.  I will also share some worship moments with you, as I begin a new study in the word, on the subject, introduce you to my music and a lot of other fun things.

My mother and Pastor will also share the occasional devotion with us.  I hope this will be a lot of fun and that you'll invite your friends, twitter followers, FB friends, etc to go on this journey with us.

Until our next blog--

Have a great week!


www.eumikabody-griffin.com
www.makeupbytierra.com

It's Time to Move Forward

Good morning!  Armed with my favorite cup of coffee, a nutri grain bar and a clean pair of glasses, I'm ready to post my first actual real blog...cleaning house will be my exercise today, but we'll discuss my "love" for exercise another day.

Quiet as it's kept, reading and writing are my first loves, not singing...but, shhh don't tell my husband (Ike). Before I continue let me say this--whatever I write about will always be honest and true. So, whether we have 1 or 1,000 readers, I love to write...so I'll be here!  Don't leave me out here in the blogosphere alone...commune with me! :-)

A recent conversation I had with my family made me realize that we live with too much regret.  Mother's beat themselves up for not being "Suzie Homemaker," father's regret not being able to be better providers and the list goes on and on and on...

Well, I say regret no more!  It's time to move forward and learn from the past. The only problem I have with the past, is staying there.  Grow-up, move forward, learn, evolve, change...Change is GREAT!  I love it, it isn't always easy but it is good.

If  I could advise my younger self, here's what my advice would be:

Love exactly who you are--hips and all.  Don't hate your oily skin, you won't wrinkle quickly. Embrace your differences and don't be ashamed of them.  I would tell my younger self that even though you'll make mistakes, you are not defined by them, you are not defined by your failures but with God's help, you can have a good outcome.  Don't worry about gaining weight, for some, it comes with the territory--at 38, in a size 14 you'll still be catchin' 'em! :-) I would advise my younger self to recognize that, pain disappointment and hurt are a part of life, not a state of being, and that she would get over the broken heart that comes with  the loss a first love.  And that real love is often times the complete opposite of what we expect it to be...trust me on that one!  I would definitely tell my youger self to learn to be forgiven and forgiving--you're gonna' need that skill later on.  I would tell my younger self to really listen to my mother, heed her advice and watch her example.  Turns out, she really does know what she's talking about.  And lastly, I'd tell my younger self to recognize her self-worth.  That she is beautiful, smart, capable and talented. And to love God with her whole heart, in the very end, He'll become your very best friend.

Admittedly, there are some things I would really love to go back and do differently.  But, I can't, so I hope and pray that my children will learn from their father and me.  It's time to move forward, no more past regrets, no more woulda', coulda', shoulda'!  Move on! Forgive yourself and really allow yourself to be forgiven, forgive your loved ones, let go of your past.  What's done is done and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it, we can however, create a new environment for ourselves and our families. Be a better you, he or she is in there.  And since God's mercy is new every morning, take advantage of that particular caveat and move on!

Until the next time we chat, remember designer shoes can be purchased for up to 50% off and Off Fifth and NM Last Call  but, loving yourself and those around you is absolutely free!    #totallyrandom

Expect the Unexpected

Psalm 47

Psalm 47[a]

    For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. A psalm.
 1 Clap your hands, all you nations;
   shout to God with cries of joy.

 2 For the LORD Most High is awesome,
   the great King over all the earth.
3 He subdued nations under us,
   peoples under our feet.
4 He chose our inheritance for us,
   the pride of Jacob, whom he loved.[b]

 5 God has ascended amid shouts of joy,
   the LORD amid the sounding of trumpets.
6 Sing praises to God, sing praises;
   sing praises to our King, sing praises.
7 For God is the King of all the earth;
   sing to him a psalm of praise.

 8 God reigns over the nations;
   God is seated on his holy throne.
9 The nobles of the nations assemble
   as the people of the God of Abraham,
for the kings[c] of the earth belong to God;
   he is greatly exalted.

A Place of Abundance

 8 Praise our God, all peoples,
   let the sound of his praise be heard;
9 he has preserved our lives
   and kept our feet from slipping.
10 For you, God, tested us;
   you refined us like silver.
11 You brought us into prison
   and laid burdens on our backs.
12 You let people ride over our heads;
   we went through fire and water,
   but you brought us to a place of abundance.
Psalm 66:8-12

I'm ready for the new place of abundance in God. How about you?