Living & Loving (The Fragility of Love)

I had fibroids. I also have a condition called poly-cystic ovaries syndrome. For all intensive purposes, I should not have been able to get pregnant as easily as I did without the help of doctors. However, I have two beautiful children for whom I am eternally grateful. I had a miscarriage before our son Kevin was conceived and it is believed that I had another one when he was about a year old. I say "believed" because I never went to the doctor to confirm the second miscarriage. I couldn't bare it. 

My husband is a musician and we were going from place to place in his home town promoting his first album in the fall of 1998. During one of the sets I started having excruciating abdominal pain and I remember thinking to myself that I was going to have a difficult week navigating shows, church and "womanly issues." After the shows for that day were done, we stopped at my parents hotel because we hadn't seen them. By that time, I could no longer keep my brave face on, my pain was almost unbearable. The details of how things transpired will always be a little "fuzzy" for me because I was lightheaded. To me, that bathroom was reminiscent of a scene from CSI. It was messy, gory, painful and heart breaking.

My mother and my husband didn't bat an eye. They cleaned me and the bathroom completely up and never minced words with me--a very tearful and bewildered young woman who had no idea what was really happening. That day will forever be etched in my memory, though because I experienced two kinds of love. My mom went into a fierce, mother-bear, protective kind of love that wanted to reassure me that I was okay. My husband, on the other hand, took a different approach. He upheld me with a quiet strength and never let me go until we were back in our own room, when he laid me down and let me rest. I was shaken and fearful that this would be my life during my child bearing years, afraid I'd never conceive again. 

Life and love can be just as messy as that awful day. We raise our children, build our careers, seek higher education and grow ministries. And often, living can get in the way of loving. When I asked some friends their concept of love, some gave generic answers while others had meaningful and heartfelt answers and sadly, there were a few who didn't know what to say at all. I submit that if we are not careful, the latter will be the epitaph of many marriages.

Beloved, its easy to allow ourselves to turn our backs on each other in marriage, especially when there has been damage done to the bond. We learn to live for the children or concentrate on breadwinning. The focus of passion, love, marriage...its lost.

Ephesians 5:25--Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church...I love this scripture because it speaks to us about "giving up" something for someone whom you love, just as Christ did at Calvary for us. If you find yourself in that 'living versus loving chasm' don't worry it's not necessarily irreparable. Get in the trenches and get ready to go to work--seek wise counsel, go on dates, spend time talking...it doesn't have to be too late.

Our Prayer:

Lord, You said in Your Word that it wasn't good for man to be alone. You created us to live with and love one another. Help us to remember that love and passion that we felt for one another in the beginning stages of our relationship. We want to be in Your will and find happiness in the mate that You gave to us. Amen